Love and Respect - Hierarchy/Authority

Tonight, we talked about the H and A in CHAIRS. C stands for conquest, which we talked about last week. H stands for HIERARCHY and A stands for AUTHORITY


We defined hierarchy as "chain of command; structure; authority. We also spoke of authority that we are willing to submit to…examples…police, law, boss, mom/dad, and basically anyone that we respect who is put in a position of authority over us. The basic crux of hierarchy comes directly from scripture in Ephesians 5:22 that we are to submit to our husbands as to the Lord. God wired our men with an innate desire to protect and provide, and most women's hands went up in agreement that we want our husbands to protect us, provide for us, and to lead our homes. That is the place that God desires us to be where He (God) is top in authority, then comes our man, and then us. Our husbands are called to love us and lay down their lives for us as Christ did for the church, and we are called to submit (to give over or yield to the authority of another) to our husbands as the church submits to Christ. The key to authority is that much responsibility comes with it, as Christ well knows. The common bond between men loving their wives as Christ loves the church and women submitting to their husbands as the church submits to Christ, is CHRIST. We can't do this thing without Him!!!



We've talked quite a bit about "good will", and that is also another huge component in making this Love and Respect thing work. We have to have good will toward one another or we will not love like Christ, or be willing to submit to anything.

Good willed is defined as friendly disposition; usual mood or temperament; not to intentionally harm; serve; someone who is "for you". Here's where the hard truths really lie. If we are not good willed toward one another in our marriage, we are in quick sand with no movement. All of these things we've been talking about with the COUPLE acronym for the women and CHAIRS acronym for the men cannot move forward if we do not have good will toward our spouse and they to us.

Life in marriage is HARD.  It's work, but it's so worth fighting for.  Continue to plow forward in learning more about yourselves in marriage by diving into His Word to see what He has to say to guide your way in marriage.  The blessings are abundant for those who roll up their sleeves and live and grow together.  Our marriages are so worth it!  Let's continue to build the armor of steel around our hearts and marriages that are so susceptible to the evil one's lurkings.  STAND GUARD!!

gym church

Ok i admit...we are hooked on Biggest Loser...it's amazing! if you have never watched this show, give it a try and you will see some of the rawest emotion displayed each week, as these folks come together to lose much more than just weight.

The weekly show guides you through the week of workouts, challenges, education on diet, and invariably someone breaks through to find out why food was the method for them to find an escape. At different intervals in the journey the producers of the show will send the contestants home for a week to see how they implement what they are learning at the ranch. At the end of the week, the scales are waiting.

This year as the contestants went home and went to the local gym, several commented on how good it feels to be able to walk into the gym. Yea, they attempted to go in the past (the time most needed due to their lifestyle and size) yet they felt or applied self condemnation and walked out.

Don't we know some folks that treat the local church the same way? In Mark 2:17 (NLT)
Jesus tells us...."Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. i have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough".

Who am i kidding i'm one of those folks...i felt that i had to get cleaned up (action based thinking) before i could go inside a local place of worship, yet Jesus wants me/us to come in just as we are. Part of the definition for the word sick is miserable, yet we walk around pretending alot of the time we are "fine" hahaha. If you are miserable (sick) come to the very place Jesus established to help us receive health, the local body of Christ.

See ya the worship barn

Loyalty...Esteem

Happy SUNNY Friday!


Wahoo!! Gonna get some dirt under my fingernails today as I'm outside enjoying His creation!!
We talked through the "L" and the "E" of our acronym in Love and Respect this past week. Just a refresher…

C..loseness

O..penness

U..nderstanding

P..eacemaker

L..oyalty

E..steem

Loyalty…my Golden Retriever that is laying right beside me as I type is a perfect God picture to me of Loyalty. He is always by my side, follows me around, and is the protector of our yard. As we talked through in class in our working definition of Loyalty, we described it as…faithful, on my team, on my side, committed, unconditional fidelity, trust, "for me", without question, allegiance



We found that we are loyal to a lot of different things/people in this life…God; t.v.; sports teams (anyone being loyal to some March Madness?...be sure to carve out a bit of time with your wife and family as your brain cells are withering away!! haha) kids; family; spouse; work; friendships; hobbies It was interesting to me that the spouse got listed so far down in our brainstorming even when we're in marriage class! We are all so different, but it would be interesting to take some time and write down what you feel like you’re most loyal to, and then ask your spouse to write a list of what they think you're loyal to…



We also dove into some pretty sensitive stuff as we talked about the visual age that we live in and how our minds, especially men's, are being bombarded with sexual images, from commercials, to catalogs, to Sports Illustrated, to pornography…Satan's lures are everywhere and he knows our weaknesses. Where loyalty is concerned, a wife has to be reassured that you are hers, and she is yours. Making comments about another woman, her looks, her build, her body parts, especially in front of your wife, is NOT COOL. Most of us agreed, that when that is done, we feel like we're not enough for our husbands, that we are somehow "less". Now, as I addressed in class, we, as wives, tired wives and moms, can tend to move to a place of comfort, ease, sameness with our man, and lose some of that pursuing that we did with one another when we dated. Our marriage should be the most important relationship on this earth, and as we all know, it takes WORK!!! As one woman noted in class, she heard a phrase on Focus on the Family that really struck a chord with her. "Have an affair with your husband, or someone else will". Our loyalties have to be guarded…first with Christ and then with one another. Marriages just don't work well without Jesus!!



Esteem…simply put…to have high confidence in something or someone

I know that women need it, but honestly, I don't know of a soul who doesn't. To be respected, honored, cherished, believed in, highly regarded, is something that we all long for, but I know that can easily be transferred onto humans above God in a heartbeat. It is reassuring to know that above man, Jesus highly esteems us, and as we seek to let our identities rest in Him, we are satisfied.



Here are some ways a husband/wife can esteem one another.

Tell one that you are proud of her/him.

Speak highly of one another in front of others.

Give encouragement and praise

Be physically affectionate in public

Teach the children to show her/him respect

Value one another's opinion

Make her/him feel of most importance

We're Goin' To the Chapel...

And we're gonna get married!  21 crazy, full, growth filled, wild with love, challenging, do it all again YEARS!!  I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination.  If I never got another day with this man, I would be blessed with more love than I ever thought I could receive or give to another human.  I am a better ME because he is in my life.  I thank God every day for taking two lost and wayward souls and knowing what they could be in Him, and loving them both enough to draw them to Himself.  What a ride! 

how fast is fast?

to abstain as a religious exercise from food and drink: either entirely, if the fast lasted but a single day, or from customary and choice nourishment, if it continued several days

That's the definition of fast…Yea Jesus demonstrated this discipline in the desert for 40 days, and then we see in Matthew chapter 6 verse 16 He states "and when you fast, don't make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, who try to look pale and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I assure you, that is the only reward they will ever get." (NLT)

Before we dive in, let me share my first experience. I'm thinking now that it was about 5 years ago, I'm reading scripture and the thought of fasting came to mind and so in my typical fleshy way, I said to self….hey let's do this….Yea let's do this thing…I can do this…let me pick something to fast from…heck my doing was more like a side show you see when you go to Coney Island in NY. Yea the shows that show half dog half cat jumping through hoops of flames, or the tent where the man is swallowing everything except food or water. That was my mind set, look at what I'm attempting for God…WRONG answer! The attempting part was correct, but the motive way off. I was going into the fast as I would running a distance I have never run before, just to see if I could do it. Well guess what happened? Yep, fast didn't last…. Oh I forgot to tell you, my 2 day fast was from pop-tarts. No kidding I really really really enjoy those tasty little pastries, with butter smothered on them…placed in the ov….someone slap me here…ok I'm back with you. Fast forward to 2010

I must admit that most of the time when I hear the word fast now in this setting, I think to myself….yea, the reason it's called a fast is that when you are in it, you want it over real fast hahaha. But as God does when we are talking with Him, through His word and just talking (praying) in whatever we are doing. The verse pops up yet again and the week this verse pops up is start Ash Wednesday. The part of the verse that continues to penetrate me is the word WHEN. It doesn't say if i decide to fast, or if i think about it, Jesus says when you (we)fast. And this time, as I read, the week before, the thought of refraining from certain sweets was starting to enter my mind. Here's why…9 years ago, alcohol had a grip on me, it was an escape, it was a form of numbing the world around me (you can shoot me a message for the other details, will refrain here) suffice to say for those that understand addiction, you realize that the "whatever" can be more than the substances like drugs and alcohol, but also things like shopping, exercise, work, sex and hobbies, creeps into your mind and tells your body you NEED this.

So if you'll notice in the scripture cited above, Jesus tells us don't make it look obvious, so i really dug in and said YEA YEA…no one will know, not even my bride. Well remember this started on Wednesday and things are going ok, as I replace the sweets like chocolate chip cookies, brownies, donuts, cake, pies…ok ok I'm back…with the Word and or prayer and most of the time both. Wednesday night comes and a friend shares that she is fasting as well, so we high fived and said me too! but don't tell anyone…DAG GUM IT! I just told you…ok ok….keep it a secret. Friday comes and Debby, my bride, comes out of the store with, yep you guessed it. A big ol Hershey bar, my favorite. Satan away from me…surely Jesus didn't face this type of temptation did he?… Shook it off…."WHAT?" was her shocked reply. Yea, and as I brought deb up to speed I shared how this sweet thing is more than I really thought…kinda thought this would be a chip shot, but I am seeing even in this short time, my reliance on this is crazy. I ask her to pray with me during this time (James 5:16). The weekend comes and goes…whew, how many more days? Need reinforcements…Tuesday comes, I meet with some dear friends each Tuesday morning at 05:00 to discuss life, I bring them in. And as I am sharing I'm thinking, "this is so foolish, seems so trivial" but folks it's not!

Tomorrow will be the half way point. In just a few days we will celebrate our risen Savior Jesus Christ! We will celebrate the One who was tempted for 40 days in His fast, that was part of His preparation for the day that brings me and you our eternity, our salvation through faith in His risen Body! So right now when I say no to the Hershey bar, or when I say no to the whatever in life that has gripped me…..i am saying YES to JESUS…and the grip of the whatever loosens just a bit, the grip I have on myself loosens, as I continue to say YES to JESUS!

If you are saying yes, and you "feel" your yes just isn't sticking, give us a shout and share your experience with us we look forward to hearing your story.

mike